treatment 6-1

I go for treatment 6 - 1 tomorrow

I am going to be terribly honest right now... I dont want to.

I am such a sissy, and I hate myself for it. Some people do this for years I've been at it for 6 months and I am sick of it and I dont wanna do it any longer. The really sad thing? I have 2 yea thats right 2 treatments left. Well maybe after the one the week of thanksgiving I have to have a pet scan to determine if the cancer is gone. If it is whee ha on to radiation. What for? Who knows because the man that saved my life say so, if I am not cancer free I guess I get more chemo.

Well if I know I have only two, why am I so "lets not do this"?

It make me feel bad. It make everything smell bad. My hair started growing back while I was sick and its pretty thick now, but I think it will probably fall out after this treatment. So I get to loose my hair not once but twice. I know small price to pay for another 50 years right? OK so I am a big whiner



Also my dear husband is home sick with the flu. I had a fever for about 12 hours. Its gone now. But I know my home is CRAWLING with germs. He tries to contain himself but its a small house. You cant get away from it. I am so afraid of getting sick and not being able to have my last treatment. After all if I HAVE to have it to kill the cancer, isn't putting it off giving the cancer a chance to grow? And if there's no chance of that what is the point in having 6-1 and 6-2?

Oh I don't know! I know I really don't have a choice, if I stop the treatments and the cancer comes back I will forever blame myself so I know I have to do all I can. My heart goes out to everyone that is doing this for an undetermined amount of time. If I didn't know there was an end in sight I think I would totally trip out!

Sounds like tonight is a night for the anti anxiety meds...