Ring the bell

There is a tradition in the world of Chemo. when you finish your course of treatments you ring the bell on the last day. That day is today for me. I am going to get a picture of me actually ringing it, but since I wanted everyone to know that I ring today I stole the above photo to go with my post.

Awake early on this bell ringer of a day, I have a lot going through my mind. This is the first milestone in my recovery. As I still have radiation to go. along with the years to follow as a survivor that every cough, every swollen gland of mine will make me jump and think am I sick... Is it back... even though they tell you Hodgkin's doesn't come back i will forever worry about it. As I know my family will as well...

Enter elephant in the room here.....



I am excited and scared excited that i have been given a great gift. not once in my life but now twice. (i was very near death once prior due to another medical problem) What Does God have in store for me? the last 17 years I know it was to raise Michelle because her father wouldnt have been able to keep the promise that he gave me.

What adventure is next? I have no way of knowing. He has brought to me a whole host of new friends. but also a whole pile of unanswered questions. will i go back to work at BA? Will I ever be well enough? or even strong enough? Will life "pick up" where it left off? Is that even possible now? The dreams that I had then, do I still have them now? there is so much thinking to do...

But I wonder, do I even want to go over these questions? Life has been so "in your face" the last 6 months... perhaps I will just take some time off and not think about all this stuff.... and just LIVE after all isnt that what this fight has been for?