The end of December brought many bad days. As always, i was visited by spirits past, the loved ones that were here but are now gone from my life. November – December always meet me with depression. This year due to Matt’s illness being so “in front” my PPD did not kick in until, you guessed it, November. Right when I normally get a bit down in the dumps. It was also compounded by Michelle being off at college and Steve going to work on a mostly night shift basis. They both truly understand how difficult it is for me to get through this time of my year. And not seeing anyone really took its toll on my psyche.
Because I get so focused internally during a depression I normally end up ignoring someone unintentionally. This year it was my best friend who was going through her own battle after the loss of a loved one. Sadly our friendship couldn’t handle the strain.
And the cherry on top of this depression sundae was my washing machine died. Most don’t think that having your clothes washer dying is a huge deal. But have it die over the holidays when you dont have the extra money to buy a new one and if you did all of the delivery people are off. Then lets throw in that I am a “cloth diaper” mom. I do a load of cloth diapers every day. I buy one 64 box of paper diapers a month to put Matt to bed in as they are less bulky to sleep in for him and he gets a better nights sleep. So having our washer die was really one more thing I just didn’t need.
But God brings good through the bad, and he brought a friend (Kent) that used to work with Steve to me. I was always quite fond of him back then (he has since left the store and is a college student) and although he is much younger than I am he has turned out to be “mr fixit” not only did he help me though my depression, but also, through the loss of my best friend. Helped me to many areas of my life that I needed to work on and has helped those see where I am coming from. He’s been helping us get things fixed here at the house as well. Leaky faucets etc. things that got let go while I was ill, and simply have not yet been tackled.
Matthew is growing like a weed and is starting to display separation anxiety, but I am trying my best to keep him content without enabling him to only have me at his disposal. It became painfully clear the other night, I had gone over to Kent’s house to do a load of much needed wash, and we left Matt at home with his daddy. When I returned, about an hour or so later, Matt bursted into tears as soon as he saw me, I rushed over and picked up the little bugger, he slowly stopped crying and started smiling. I guess he missed him mommy.
We did get our new washer. And I gotta say I LOVE it. My appliance dealer has been the same guy for 20 years and he knows my style and what I like so well now I can call him and buy without even looking at the product and Cory knows just what I will love. Buyt delivery was not possible for a few days. So once again Kent came to the rescue! Steve and he went over to the store and picked it up in Kent’s pickup. HUMMM that’s right I now a have a friend with a pickup….
New years was met with a lifting of the doom and gloom in our house. And I have to say its nice to see a light dusting of snow. And although I still am a bit depressed, the “November Curse” as I call it now is gone. And I am ready to face this new year with some new friends and some new habits. J
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