What TO say to a cancer patient

Yesterday I posted a "don't do this post". Well I thought I should balance it with a "do this instead" post

When I was first diagnosed there were many people I felt I needed to tell. co workers etc.

Things that were said to me that were good to hear.

"I am sorry" this conveys the sadness that you feel to me. This also tells me that you care about my health and my well being. I dont think I ever felt this as pity. If you genuinely are sorry about this news certainly tell me so.


"Can I hug you?" Asking is good, I may not feel really well or I might be bodily sore. This gives me the opportunity to tell you "not too tight" or to ask "are you sick?" or mainly if I just don't feel like it I can say "I don't feel well today but thank you for asking" I think I have turned down maybe one hug in the 6 months I have been ill.

"I am so stunned I don't know what to say" This was one of the best things that was ever said to me. It was pure and honest. and I thanked him for it and told him it was OK to feel this way. Because we were still stunned then too.

Honesty is something you see easier. I don't know how but you do. sincerity means alot. if you are it will mean alot.

when you see someone again after you know about the illness if you wish to inquire about the cancer, do so. a simple "how are you doing?" will normally bring "cancer" right up. if you get a "pat" answer of "I'm fine" dont press they just might not want to talk about it. you can follow this up with a nice "I am thinking of you" or "I am praying for you" this allows a thank you and lets get on with the day.

what else i have found to be nice? CARDS! cheapo dollarstore 50cent cards. I have one girl that send one every two weeks or so I love still getting cards. even if it says no more than "Hey your on my mind" its wonderful.

Cards later on are nice too. you get a real influx of cards when you are first diagnosed then they dry up and you feel like everyone has forgotten you so a card after a while means so much.

email ... I addressed forwards yesterday. how about you dont have the time/money to go out and get a card. open a new message doesnt have to have stationary or a funny e-card just a blank letter and write in it "Hey i am thinking of you hope you are well" and sign it and send it. you wont believe how that will make someone feel! you might get a simple "thank you for the letter" or you might get a full fledged letter saying how things are you never know. but a short to the point letter to open up a person to talk to might just be what the person needs. someone to talk to with no germ transference (yes we think about germs alot)

Another thing you can do is Offer to listen. We get many "if you need anything" comments. Who do we call? easy the ones that include their phone numbers. I have kept all of the cards I have received. the ones with phone numbers especially. I have called many of them. It has been nice knowing who i can and who i just cannot call.

There have been those people that have put forth the offer "you just call if you need anything" but they cannot follow though. if you cant put forth the time dont offer. its as easy as that. simply say you will pray or what ever like that. if you can do it offer. don't offer if you can't.

i think you are starting to get the idea now be sincere, be honest and be kind that will do a great job at what to say and how to say it.