Snowflakes ~~ I could have gotten more intricate with them, but desiging something I can do with my left hand is a bit hard to do, So I thought I would keep it simple.
What you need is your trusty white, and a solid blue that covers well, a toothpick, and top coat.
For my blue I am using "Sally Hansen Chrome" I love the chrome paints by far the best coverage I have ever seen, but it does tend to wear off easily so I thought I would try a top coat to see if it holds up any better.
Get your base coat on and make certain this is super dry. Apply a drop of white polish in the center of your nail. Getting the right amount of paint might take some practice, you want it to "mound" but not be too much, if you run out before you are done you can always go back and add more, but you can't take it away if there is too much. I hope you can see over the shine of the chrome polish... Now hold your toothpick nearly strait up and down (not at an angle) and starting at the center of your drop, drag the polish out to the side of your nail. repeat until you have a star or snowflake pattern.
you can make 6 or 8 points I have 6 on the first finger in this shot and I am putting the 8th on this finger 8 has a bit of a look like a spider though, it all depends on the angle you make your stripes.
Here they are all done, I think they are really pretty. Don't forget your top coat of clear to keep them from chipping!
I need to share something, and I feel this is the place I need to share it.
When My daughter was born, It was a bad delivery and I nearly died. I personally feel I was very close to death much closer that even the doctors knew.
I closed my eyes at one point and I suddenly felt very warm. It was dark. I felt like someone had wrapped me in a quilt fresh out of a dryer, and the warmth from that quilt conveyed an emotion. That emotion was love. But no love I had ever experienced on earth before, either before this or since. It felt PURE for lack of a better word honest maybe even holy.
I then saw a light. I had forgotten this until a week ago, (a small bunny trail here but I'll get back to it) I was up in the middle of the night to pee, and it was foggy out my bathroom window, the neighbor up the road has a flood light, that normally lights up EVERYTHING but not on this night it was a speck of light in a world of darkness you nearly had to strain to see it, and as I stood looking out the window an image came back to my mind, the darkness from Michelle's delivery, and a single thought "Hey that looks just like the light to God!"
I NEVER remembered this light until last week but I knew that memory when I had it. Its not something I conjured.
After the "quilt of love" as I like to think of it I heard my husband call to me from what sounded like MILES away. "Honey come back here you have to help me raise her, I can't do it on my own" I turned (what I thought was mentally but now after last week I realized I turned from the light) and opened my eyes.
I needed a transfusion.
That was back in 1992, HIV was on everyone's mind. At the time you were told that could contract HIV and not "Full Blow" for 17 years. When I signed consent for my transfusion, I prayed to God and told him If I could have those 17 years, to watch my Baby girl grow up I would be happy with that. So I lived to Raise my beautiful baby girl.
{Michelle and I, she's not even a month old }
Fast forward to October 9th 2007. This is the day I lost my father. I had spent ten years living next door, and two years actively there nearly daily doing this or that, and eight months there daily caring for him. Daddy went to be with God that morning, and my world fell apart. I wanted to die. I missed him so much. I still do. It takes absolutely nothing to bring me to tears over his passing. I don't share that often. and I don't know how many readers I actually have, so I guess I don't know how many people I am sharing this with now. But I feel it is time to share this so I will.
I didn't want to live after he died. my world was dark and bleak. Nothing I tried to do fixed that I read books on grief, went to counselors. You name it I tried it everything I saw or was told said "this is normal"
{Daddy and I after a girl scout ceremony when I was 10}
Seven months after his passing, I had a dream. It helped me so much. I posted this on my My space blog simply so I would never forget it. I have transferred it here so you can read it because it was a life changing part of my grief. I will have more post after so keep reading.....
OK this was a dream I had the other night, the more I think of it the dimmer it gets and I don't want to forget it so I am going to write it down here. If this was something my subconscious cooked up fine I can deal with this, was it a vision sent to me from heaven itself? I'm fine w/ that as well after all I wouldn't have been the first to see something from God in a dream now would I?
Things I have figured out on my own I will put in brackets like {this}
Ok here it is:
I am with my dad and we are talking. {I cant remember about what now but I do remember that I knew at the time} he is showing me around a city {it is very large} the buildings are very tall 6 + stories high, we aren't on the street, its more like we are 3 stories up. We are moving almost like driving a car {in the dream I think to myself}but this cant be right because cars drive on the ground, wait I don't see a car! {then I get scared} and suddenly a car interior materialized around us. {then I'm not scared any more but I am bothered that Daddy is in the driver seat, he hasn't driven in YEARS}
So I say to him "Daddy should you be driving?" and he looks over at me, {and you know he looks really GOOD almost young but yet not, its odd he just didn't look FRAIL} and he snorts in a way he had and said "I can drive just fine!"
So I relax and he started telling me what these buildings are. "This one is where we eat, this is a museum I haven't been there yet but I want to go"
While he was talking I did what most kids do I stopped listening, and looked out the window.
The buildings were very large and very WHITE. There were large glass windows that were CLEAN. As a matter of fact every thing looked incredibly clean. Now I have white and clean in bold and caps because these were the whitest cleanest buildings I have ever seen in my life not so much as a water spot. The white I cannot even express the white its not white its almost a whole different color because white does not properly describe it. a freshly painted white line on a road at night is not white enough I cannot tell you how white.
Now about this time I heard him tell me that it was "really nice" and he hadn't gotten to see it all but he would.
and he smiled at me, then I woke up.
dream or vision doesn't matter it felt good to hear his voice and to see him smile.
...... So as you can see, I know heaven exists I have felt it, and through my dream I have seen it.
So in May when I was diagnosed with Cancer I felt well that's my 17 years I asked God to give me. and going to be with God would end this horrible grief for me. I felt God was calling in a debt. I was OK with that. But I could see that my daughter wasn't ready to loose another parent. Nor was my husband ready to be on his own without me.
So I started to pray. God always seems to send me to the internet for my answers... I don't know why but he had me research my disease. Curable over and over again. Curable; cancer curable. unreal, cancer didn't get cured it goes into REMISSION then it comes back and kills you. Or if you are lucky you get another remission then it kills you.
But not this cancer... CURABLE 6 month course of chemo every 2 weeks for a cure. Certainly if God wanted me to die he could get more creative than a curable cancer don't you think? car accident, stroke, heart attack... its not like I have taken good care of my body or that drove safely....
So that must mean God wants me to live. Then why have cancer to begin with? Because someone needs this, or needs this story I think. or needs this to get through their cancer maybe I think. or maybe there was something I was to learn along the way. I am working on that...
Well now I guess its back to prayer... I don't know what God want me to do now. yea I still have radiation and stuff to do to finish up this chapter in my life, but what does God what me to do with the Gift he has given me? after all I never expected more than the 17 years I asked for.
OK God I am ready what do you want me to do now? let me know.... you know how to reach me
Yesterday was my "proposed" last treatment barring no problems with my next scans to determine that I am cancer free.
Today I thought I would share a bit of what My chemo has been all about.
This is me all hooked up waiting for my last treatment..... I have already taken two tylenol to fight off the possibility of fever and a 50 mg Benadryl to counteract any alergic reaction.
This is my "pre-treatment" its is a combination of steroids (accountable for the 40lb I have gained since I have started treatment... well that and the cake) it also has an anti nausea med in it... sometimes that worked sometimes it did not. so I always bring my compazine with me just in case.
The bag on the left is saline used to flush the tubes and my port of one med before we start the next, when i started out prior to my port we used the BIG bag of saline because the DTIC (Dacarbazine) was very caustic to my teeny tiny veins.
These are My three "Pushes" they are called pushes because they are given as an IV injection over a certain period of time I am uncertain of the times even though I have seen it done 12 times now and they tell me every time I keep forgetting which ones are what times one is like ten mins and one is like five. These are given in a certain order and over the certain times because it is related to cell process and order. Some medical thing about how the cells divide.
I will name them for you from left to right. Velban (Vinblastine) Adriamycin (Doxorubicin) I know I have this first and its red like Koolaide Blenoxane (bleomyacin) this med will give me a horrible sunburn if i go out in the sunshine for more than 15 mins at a time.
DTIC (Dacarbazine) is the three hour drip, I dont have a picture of that, it is light sensitive so its encased in a black bag to keep it from the light....
If you would like to find out more about them i have provided a link that its really easy to read up on them. This is my Chemo nurse Barb ... She has been doing this for ten years and in those ten years she has only seen one Hodgkin's patient return for more chemo. I made her a macreme plant hanger as a thank you for being such a great nurse for me.
The chemo lab is set up in a half moon overlooking a beautiful garden with fountains and landscaping. this spring this was beautiful, the only problem with that is its beautiful; and you are stuck sitting inside looking at it instead of experiencing it. But still better than looking at hospital walls.
This is the bell of finished treatment Because my treatment was so long no one was there to see me ring it except Barb and Steve
There is a tradition in the world of Chemo. when you finish your course of treatments you ring the bell on the last day. That day is today for me. I am going to get a picture of me actually ringing it, but since I wanted everyone to know that I ring today I stole the above photo to go with my post.
Awake early on this bell ringer of a day, I have a lot going through my mind. This is the first milestone in my recovery. As I still have radiation to go. along with the years to follow as a survivor that every cough, every swollen gland of mine will make me jump and think am I sick... Is it back... even though they tell you Hodgkin's doesn't come back i will forever worry about it. As I know my family will as well...
Enter elephant in the room here.....
I am excited and scared excited that i have been given a great gift. not once in my life but now twice. (i was very near death once prior due to another medical problem) What Does God have in store for me? the last 17 years I know it was to raise Michelle because her father wouldnt have been able to keep the promise that he gave me.
What adventure is next? I have no way of knowing. He has brought to me a whole host of new friends. but also a whole pile of unanswered questions. will i go back to work at BA? Will I ever be well enough? or even strong enough? Will life "pick up" where it left off? Is that even possible now? The dreams that I had then, do I still have them now? there is so much thinking to do...
But I wonder, do I even want to go over these questions? Life has been so "in your face" the last 6 months... perhaps I will just take some time off and not think about all this stuff.... and just LIVE after all isnt that what this fight has been for?
You remember those Turkey drawings in first grade that you traced around you hand? Well, in honor of everyone who has either done one or received one to hang on the fridge. I have painted my nails in that style just for you!
Fingers all diffrent colors... thumb base coat a neutral color dot of white for eye (black sharpie inside) yellow paint for beak (outline with sharpie) squiggle of red on back side of beak for turkey's waddle. ~~~~~~ Please notice I used my swollen hand for the pic I thought the turkey should be "fattened" for Thanksgiving! LOL!!!
Dont stress! Monday manicures will get put up! I have something very neat in mind but i am running behind, and I have to get an ultrasound of my leg this AM so its gonna be late...
Dont worry about the ultra sound I havent had a problem since My dosage of lovenox was upped to twice a day. so i dont think we will find anything
Favorite TV Show as a child is today's Friday Favorites.
There are so many shows I loved when i was a kid. So many that not all have stood the test of time.
The show i have chosen? Sesame Street
Alas My favorite Child show Is not was it once was. Overwhelmed by Political correctness and "you cant do that" it has lost its simple charm of "lets teach kids not to be afraid of monsters and lets help them learn something."
Step back with me into the past and remember how it once was and try and figure out just what was so bad about old school sesame street that now it has to have a "warning label" on it.
DVT means in simple terms A blood clot in one of the deep veins in your limbs. These normally occur in a leg, typically your calf muscle.
Mine is in my arm, about mid way down the inside of my arm above my elbow.
This has caused: swelling in my hand, forearm, continuing up toward my neck, discomfort and lastly pain.
The way we are treating it: Daily injections of the drug Lovenox into my belly, for a month or longer. Very small needle. hardly any site pain barely knew I had the shot. But lets make something clear.... I have plenty of area in which to receive this shot. LOL! This in no way is anything like a tetanus shot or even a flu shot. Those I HATE!!! you have site pain soreness the difference? Those go into the muscle. These go into tissue (ok lets call a spade a spade FAT) I have a teeny tiny mark from it about the size of a bee sting providing you aren’t allergic. This is nothing in comparison to the needle sticks I have gotten so far with chemo.
What makes this happen: I have been given several reasons why I could have developed this. Chemo can cause it (OH JOY) as well as can a port (JOY JOY) since I have both... yea guess I am in a risk factor group. That’s ok.
What I need to watch out for: Since I am in a "risk group" now I need to watch for Pain or swelling in my calves, shortness of breath, pain my chest, pain when I breathe.
Do you want more information? I went to the "The National Alliance for Thrombosis and Thrombophilia (NATT)"
its a great site with HUGE amounts of information. as well as online support and message boards and all kind os hints and tips as to how to prevent this from happening. The amount of people that have this occuring is STAGGERING. Go and look for yourself to learn if you are already in a risk factor group. For example, did your Granny have a stroke and you are on the pill? That two risk factors, throw in a 4 hour car ride and now you have three.
its almost scary. I am starting to see whey they weren't surprised by this.
Last week I told you of the odd bruising that had me to the doctors two weeks ago. well over the course of the last two weeks, that same arm has been retaining fluid. now because it wasn't a whole lot of fluid last week, i thought it was just chemo related. because i do retain fluid from the steroids. but this week (since Friday) the fluid just doesn't seem to dissipate, we have called the Doc.
So today we have a cat scan and an ultrasound scheduled for today around lunchtime. I believe that we are checking for blood clots again just to ensure we did not miss anything in the last set we did. which is why we are doing a cat scan this time.
I should have the results of this stuff by tomorrow as there is a new nurse in the office and she told me i could call her for the results. I will let everyone know
Have you ever had a favorite nail polish? well this delicate shade of plum was mine. It was never really "Hello my nails are purple!" But when I looked at them I knew they were.
Saddly I painted my nails for todays post with my "go-go grape" and it never dried.
It stayed kinda tacky. Not to where it would pick up fuzzys but tacky enough for me to know that it has to go.
So Long Go-Go Grape... I will have to go to Wal-mart and get a paint to replace you!
Disney has been making full length films since the 1937 release of "Snow White".
They have made not only a Ton of animated films but also True life Adventure, All Live action films, Animation that is combined with live action, and documentary. Seems like what ever you like Disney has a little bit for everyone. Certainly this is why when we think of films for our families we think Disney.
It also makes it nearly impossible to pick just one doesn't it? Everyone loves the classic animated films Dumbo, Cinderella, Bambi.
And Honestly when I chose this. I thought how hard can it be to pick one? Then I went to Wiki for a LIST of Disney films so I wouldn't have forgotten one. Now I know why they say "ignorance is bliss"!
There are so many I love not just from my childhood.... movies that make me think of my whole family piling into our 1977 cutlass supreme to "go see the newest Disney film" but also movies that my own family have done the exact same thing only with a different car! only some we didn't even realize it was a Disney film!
"The Little Mermaid" was my favorite Fairy Tale, but since they strayed away from some of the key things of the story I was highly disappointed with the movie.
So I think my favorite has to be the "Apple Dumpling Gang" not only a movie with great childhood memories but one with my own family as well. I still laugh at this movie and can be persuaded to watch it quite often.
PS As I got ready to post this i realized that today is Friday the 13th, and I should have done Horror Films in honor of that... OH well thats why i choose this stuff on THURSDAY!
I have had a turn of events in my personal life, and I'm gonna go into it a wee bit here today. More than anything to clarify it with myself and to document it for me. Maybe so this time I will remember it. Maybe you can learn from my stupidity.
Back when I first was diagnosed, I posted "Why does God allow this?" If you read over this post you will see how I learned to re organize my priorities around my Dad, and how I felt a little lost. I was going to work on it. I don't know that I have worked too much on it probably because I have been busy being sick and getting better than to actually look into it. But lately I have been looking around and doing the WTH?
The friends I have had for ten years are not here. Where did they go? I don't know. I only know when my friend had a family crisis I was right there with them every step of the way. I helped with the care of a friend's mother while she was terminal with cancer. It wasn't a daily thing but I called once a week just to see if anything was needed. I helped with my friend's cleaning, yard work, child care. What happened to pay it forward? I thought if you helped a friend they in turn helped you? I have received 1 phone call since I have been sick from these same "friends"
I can now see 6 months since diagnosis, that these people are not my friends.
I thought by chance that my family might have something to learn, but I really thought that anything they might have to learn would have already been learned. Now after 6 months I can also see that they have learned all they will. My having Cancer changes nothing in my family. Those of us that were close are still close maybe closer but I also know that after this crisis has passed and life goes back to a semblance of normality, I wont have time for day to day phone calls and there will be some more distance, but that wont change the actual bonds.
For those relationships that have always have been a bit strained, they will remain that way. Because no matter how much you want a nice tight bond with another person, if you are the only one working at it it goes to hell.
What I have also learned is that just because someone depends on you, that does not mean they need you in their life. What they need is not you, they need someone to DO those things for them. If they only call you to watch their dogs while they go on vacation, and you always do it, even though this is the only guaranteed call to get in a year, then chances are they don't want to talk to you they just need a free dog sitter and you are just needy enough and gullible enough to not see you are being used.
I have some family like that as well. How you can tell is "can you do something for me" I used to be like that. I only called my sister when I needed a recipe or something. She will tell you that I call for a lot more stuff now, advice, a shoulder to cry on, and quite often a big helping of "wake the hell up" Sometimes I think she like this one the best! LOL except it seems to be the same lecture over and over. But I will come back for it until it sinks in. Here you go Sue! the last batch, its sinking in. I don't like the taste but I'll eat it anyhow. We have done this before, She gives the best advice, I just am a hard learner. or would that be stubborn? anyhow I love her cuz shes good at dealing with me. Not many in this world are. oh and also cuz shes my sister and she still torments me like a big sister should. Off topic for a second just so I never forget this, last week in Joanne's fabrics she lost me on purpose so she could stay two steps behind me and watch me look for her LOL Yep shes my big sister. love you Sue
But what she will also tell you is I am a VERY needy person. That makes me a very vulnerable person to getting taken of advantage of. We have no clue why I am this way , but its a personality thing, I mean shes NOT. We are polar opposites. I guess that s why many of my friends have been like those described as above. I wanted so badly to be their friends but they didn't really need friends, they needed someone to depend on, and that's one thing I am is loyal. I guess loyal to a fault once you have my loyalty it takes a lot of dumping on me, just to get me to realize I have been dumped upon.
OK so how do I fix this? I can't change or rather wont change the whole loyalty thing because that is a trait I value. Because in a friend I want loyalty. I need to screen my friends better. I have three friends that I still have since high school. Two live away, one is local.
The local one and I get together when ever we can. and there are times we have had to "put it on hold" due to situations. ex: he dated a girl for a while that didn't understand how close we were, and I don't think she was too keen on our "hug hellos" so without discussing it those hellos got changed and our contact (i cant call it strained) but it lightened up while she was dating him. I had seen it before and i knew it wouldn't last because he couldn't be himself. I knew it wouldn't do any good to tell him this girl wasn't right for him, so I just sat back and waited I knew he would tell me it was over. and he did. He is dating a great girl now that "gets" us. He can be himself, and I gained another friend though him in her now. We talk nearly once a week and we have a lot in common.
Maybe that's why its easier now to cut some baggage? I have met more people through my illness are they friends? Maybe? I guess I have to let them be a step above acquaintances until I can get the chance to get to know them better.
Face book has helped with that. You can learn a lot about a person by what they post on face book. Are they too negative? Will they drag you down? Do they party too much for your blood? A good friendship like any relationship needs to be a good match. I didn't realize that. Its different as an adult than it was in school. You were put into groups by your classes. common ground. The only groups you have as an adult unless you join a hobby group, is work. Work friends aren't the best kind, some are good you can sometimes find common ground.
So I need to take my time not rush into anything and get to know people at an arms length first.
That I can do.
This is what God has shown me through my illness:
My friends aren't my friends.
You cant make people like you just because you help them.
Family isn't friends. They are family and that's JUST not the same.
Don't become dependent on your friends until you know they are dependable
Being sick changes ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
Friends are your friends because of who you are not what you can do.
or what you have/own
I am thankful I had the chance to learn this. Maybe this will make me a better friend. I hope my false friends learn this too.
I am going to be terribly honest right now... I dont want to.
I am such a sissy, and I hate myself for it. Some people do this for years I've been at it for 6 months and I am sick of it and I dont wanna do it any longer. The really sad thing? I have 2 yea thats right 2 treatments left. Well maybe after the one the week of thanksgiving I have to have a pet scan to determine if the cancer is gone. If it is whee ha on to radiation. What for? Who knows because the man that saved my life say so, if I am not cancer free I guess I get more chemo.
Well if I know I have only two, why am I so "lets not do this"?
It make me feel bad. It make everything smell bad. My hair started growing back while I was sick and its pretty thick now, but I think it will probably fall out after this treatment. So I get to loose my hair not once but twice. I know small price to pay for another 50 years right? OK so I am a big whiner
Also my dear husband is home sick with the flu. I had a fever for about 12 hours. Its gone now. But I know my home is CRAWLING with germs. He tries to contain himself but its a small house. You cant get away from it. I am so afraid of getting sick and not being able to have my last treatment. After all if I HAVE to have it to kill the cancer, isn't putting it off giving the cancer a chance to grow? And if there's no chance of that what is the point in having 6-1 and 6-2?
Oh I don't know! I know I really don't have a choice, if I stop the treatments and the cancer comes back I will forever blame myself so I know I have to do all I can. My heart goes out to everyone that is doing this for an undetermined amount of time. If I didn't know there was an end in sight I think I would totally trip out!
Sounds like tonight is a night for the anti anxiety meds...
I forgot to upload the pictures of our Nails! how forgetful of me! so here are the adventures in learning how to print nails!
We had some trouble learning how to "stretch" the print over the entire nail.but we worked it out!This is one of the barbie prints
index is a red rose the two in the middle are barbie prints. i have a better pinkie shot. My mother in law had to use barbie prints since she was demonstrating.
this is the pinkie shot.... I need to go into this some. the "triangle" of color at the cuticle is the shape of the print. we then printed it "flipped" above the first, then a third time in original position at the top. so we printed this nail three times and created our own design Isnt that cool????these are the rest of moms nails.
these are mine see my pinkie? my nail was too short for a third print. But I LOVEEE the rainbow!Isnt the "K" cool?
this last one, is a graduation cap and diploma, we moved the bar so that the cap was green. so it was the same as our school colors. and the diploma turned purple! what was the chance??? this will be great when Michelle graduates.
My Mother in law does demonstrations at stores for extra cash.
This weekend she did a demonstration for a "barbie nail printer" at Toys "r" Us.
she had to learn how to use it first. Guess who got to try it too!
You know at first I thought this was gonna be a big waste of time etc... But once we learned how to use it this has got to be the COOLEST thing!
You put your base color.. the kit comes with white but I preferred the coverage of the white i have been using.
Then you put on a coat of "primer" this makes the ink stick to your nails.
One at a time you pick the design and "fit" it to your nail. the printer hooks up to your PC and thats how you fit the designs. it tehn "spray paints your finger nail and you just put a coat of sealer on it.
It comes with what seems like HUNDREDS of nail designs that you can alter the colors of. so if you are a purple freak like me all of the pink hearts that Barbie has suddenly turns PURPLE!!!
now you are thinking Barbie "GACK!" but there are only one category of barbie designs. there is also sports, holidays, letters with different fonts so you can type hello across your nails or Ozzy if you prefer LOL.
and if you still think you would prefer something that just "wont be there" then you can design your own pics and upload them to the program so you want a pic of your boyfriend? that works it does that.
Yesterday I posted a "don't do this post". Well I thought I should balance it with a "do this instead" post
When I was first diagnosed there were many people I felt I needed to tell. co workers etc.
Things that were said to me that were good to hear.
"I am sorry" this conveys the sadness that you feel to me. This also tells me that you care about my health and my well being. I dont think I ever felt this as pity. If you genuinely are sorry about this news certainly tell me so.
"Can I hug you?" Asking is good, I may not feel really well or I might be bodily sore. This gives me the opportunity to tell you "not too tight" or to ask "are you sick?" or mainly if I just don't feel like it I can say "I don't feel well today but thank you for asking" I think I have turned down maybe one hug in the 6 months I have been ill.
"I am so stunned I don't know what to say" This was one of the best things that was ever said to me. It was pure and honest. and I thanked him for it and told him it was OK to feel this way. Because we were still stunned then too.
Honesty is something you see easier. I don't know how but you do. sincerity means alot. if you are it will mean alot.
when you see someone again after you know about the illness if you wish to inquire about the cancer, do so. a simple "how are you doing?" will normally bring "cancer" right up. if you get a "pat" answer of "I'm fine" dont press they just might not want to talk about it. you can follow this up with a nice "I am thinking of you" or "I am praying for you" this allows a thank you and lets get on with the day.
what else i have found to be nice? CARDS! cheapo dollarstore 50cent cards. I have one girl that send one every two weeks or so I love still getting cards. even if it says no more than "Hey your on my mind" its wonderful.
Cards later on are nice too. you get a real influx of cards when you are first diagnosed then they dry up and you feel like everyone has forgotten you so a card after a while means so much.
email ... I addressed forwards yesterday. how about you dont have the time/money to go out and get a card. open a new message doesnt have to have stationary or a funny e-card just a blank letter and write in it "Hey i am thinking of you hope you are well" and sign it and send it. you wont believe how that will make someone feel! you might get a simple "thank you for the letter" or you might get a full fledged letter saying how things are you never know. but a short to the point letter to open up a person to talk to might just be what the person needs. someone to talk to with no germ transference (yes we think about germs alot)
Another thing you can do is Offer to listen. We get many "if you need anything" comments. Who do we call? easy the ones that include their phone numbers. I have kept all of the cards I have received. the ones with phone numbers especially. I have called many of them. It has been nice knowing who i can and who i just cannot call.
There have been those people that have put forth the offer "you just call if you need anything" but they cannot follow though. if you cant put forth the time dont offer. its as easy as that. simply say you will pray or what ever like that. if you can do it offer. don't offer if you can't.
i think you are starting to get the idea now be sincere, be honest and be kind that will do a great job at what to say and how to say it.
Recently I had a very insensitive comment made to me. I do not think that it was intentional. But really the words came out of her mouth, and she said it directly to me so I guess she meant to say it.
This has given rise to this blog post. I know that many people have the best of intentions while doing these things I am about to list. but let me tell you right now they dont help, they can even emotionally hurt the person you are trying to support. it can also lead to frustration by the patient because they are getting bombarded by this from many diffrent directions with no polite way of saying to the "support" person:
"that was THE most insensitive thing that has ever been said to me"
So if you would like to know what not to say/ do READ ON!
Please do not say...
"it wasn't the cancer that killed my father it was the Chemo" This is the phrase that actually brought about this post.
what is wrong with saying this? OK for anyone that doesn't know this is wrong heres why...
You basically said Chemo doesn't work. I know I personally would not be alive today without Chemotherapy. So I can tell you it does.
It is negative. Although I am sad that your father lost his fight with cancer, this knowledge does nothing for helping me believe that I will live to conquer mine.
Dont forget you do not know how I am feeling that day perhaps even though I am out and about, that does not necessarily mean I feel all roses and sunshine. perhaps I feel like this last chemo treatment is gonna kill me because my bones hurt so bad. and even if you ask perhaps I dont want to tell you that I feel like doggie poo.
What else should you not do?
Don't compare my cancer with your cancer or your fathers cancer or your mothers cancer. Cancer is not chocolate chips. They aren't all the same. they feel different they grow different the treatments are different the only thing that is the same is the word CANCER. The radiation your Aunt Sophie got for her 1 cm lumpectomy, is way different than my friend Cynthia has been getting for her bone cancer. Aunt Sophie can still go to work every day, My friend Cindy can hardly get out of bed. See? not the same and its an insult to lump it all together like that.
what else not to do?
Don't send cancer forwards.
I cant tell you how many of these I delete in a day. I do not even read them. I do not need to have the it thrown in my face every day that I have cancer. the lack of hair does that quite nicely thank you. I don't need 27 copies of the same forward from 27 of my friends.
And as long as i brought hair up lets visit there for a second or so shall we?
don't say "it grows back" No kidding? Really? its not you who had a handfull of hair come out during an episode of House was it? has this happened to you? it hasn't ? then you have NO CLUE what that feels like so shut up. and dont stare. yea we have on a bandanna its COLD without hair the looks of "oh she must be sick" are awful. try not to do it. I know its hard but mind your own business i am just trying to buy some groceries.
OH and one more thing as long as i am on hair... and this came from the "queen of sensitivity" and Yes if you read this the comment did hurt and i think you know it.
"I like you better bald" well i dont people stare at you, its cold without hair, and WHY would anyone say this? you can say "you know your have a great head" which i can say now I do, its round... but dont say i like you better without hair thats just rude.
and that's what everything comes down to don't be rude and think before you talk. how would you feel if this was you? be KIND be nice.
DISCLAIMER: I also want to point out for the record that I am not above saying and doing stupid stuff. I have been accused of not having a filter between my brain and my mouth. This is merely a guideline try your best because that is what we all have to do. And well if you feel like calling me up and saying "that post was the pot calling the kettle black" I probably wont deny it ;-P
Alright, October is a pretty easy month to come up with different ideas for cutesy nails.
I mean with ghosts, pumpkins, well you were there you saw them all. now November. HUMMM thanksgiving.... just how do you paint stuffing and pumpkin pie?
Well you don't. we ahve an actual cute idea for the week of thanksgiving, but as far as the rest of the month i am a bit at a loss.
So we opted for Michelle's favorite trick. mis matched nails in a rainbow assortment. Michelle loves things to be mismatched but matched. it was a hard concept to understand but i think now i am starting to get it. for example she mis matches her socks. both socks are of the NEON variety same cut, but a pink and a purple or a yellow and a green. at first i thought she was doing this bercaue there werent any of the same color clean, but i see now shes doing it intentionally. guess its a teen thing.
Anywho back to the nails. this is a collection of "bon bon" colors that she got for christmas last year. they happen to be scented. yea the purple on my thumbs smells like dimetapp and with the rainbow of different colors, when i at my Cheerios its like fruitstripe gum really quite odd.
needless to say i will be every so happy to see sunday night come around!
If you have ANY ideas for monday manicures tell me in a comment I dont care how off the wall it sounds, if I can swing it I will do it!
OK i haven't had a reality post here in quite some time.
The reality is:
I have Hodgkin's disease. Chemo makes you sick but only for a little while Yes it sucks I feel better now than i did in June After my treatments are over i should get better HAIR GROWS BACK whining does no one any good sometimes you hurt and sometimes you dont medication is because you NEED IT you have every right to cry if you feel like you have to but dont cry so much that you forget that you are getting better
you can make 6 or 8 points I have 6 on the first finger in this shot and I am putting the 8th on this finger 8 has a bit of a look like a spider though, it all depends on the angle you make your stripes.
